The fucking audacity of this bitch to be completely non-existent for nine months and then show up with the long-standing annual new year’s post in MARCH with no explanation or excuse. The utter cheek.

Yes, hi, hello, that bitch is me.

How the heck are ya? How is twentytwentytwo treating you? I hope spectacularly. And you know what, if not, that’s okay. We’ve still got nine months to play with here. Is every year of our lives gonna be the best? Of course not. Life is not a fucking straight shot upwards forever until we die. No matter what the kid you were mildly jealous of in high school’s instagram tells you. So don’t put pressure on yourself this year. But also, by the same token. Don’t like admit defeated. I think it’s a shame when people write off a year in June cos well maybe something truly goddamn awful happened to you, or maybe you just had something kinda shit happen. I get it. Believe me, I’ve had those years. Twentyseventeen, looking at you, you bastard. But just don’t admit defeat. You can wish daily that the year will end so you can move into another. I endorse that, mainly. But I also want you to daily believe that something a little magical could happen. Maybe you find a trolly at the supermarket that still has a quid in it. Maybe your mate sends you a sickeningly wholesome instagram post about the beauty of libraries and you cry but like in a good way. Maybe you make a frozen pizza and don’t burn it, cos honestly that’s always a win. These are not big things, people. But on the day you need them they can feel like true , unbridled joy. So I hope you a handful of these days this year. Let’s not be greedy. We’ve SOMEHOW entered into yet another shocking year with covid just being the tip of the iceberg. What are we on now? About seven years of hellfire in a row? Mate, give yourself a pat on the back that you’re even here. You’ve done well to survive.

I bet at the start of this post I tricked you into thinking you were getting a succinct, proof-read, paragraphed piece. You are not. This is a word vomit of a piece if we ever saw one. Will I read it back? Probably not. I think typos are funny. Gotta keep you guys on your toes.

So what are my goals for this year? Well actually, lol, that’s actually a pretty easy one. Nothing. Nada. Zero. Zilch. I have absolutely no fucking goals this year. For the first time in many years. I love lists and planning and goals. But alas, no! This year, your girl is focussing on one thing. And that is rest. r-e-s-t. REST.

Oh not heard of it? No, I didn’t bloody think you had.

I definitely recommend it though. Try it sometime. Get so relaxed you don’t write your new year’s post for three months. Just kidding, we all absolutely know that was laziness. But honestly. Give it a go. How? Okay, as always, start simply. Think about the things in your life that are causing you stress, panic, pressure. We can’t control absolutely all of these unfortunately. Figure out which ones you can. How many of them are you getting in your own way? How many are the result of your best but overambitious intentions? And how many can we say goodbye to?

You know I like to help you out so I’ll give you some of my own examples. I no longer shower, get dressed, brush my teeth, move from the couch, read books, interact with humans. No I’m just kidding. Although does that sounds like wfh to anyone? Just me? Okay, shh.

-So I’ve set a yearly reading goal every year for as long as I can remember and whilst it’s great encouragement, it’s more recently become a burden to me. If you’re picking up 200 page or under books so that you can hit a reading goal, it’s time for the goal to go, babe. Give me Anna Karenina or give me death.

-My workplace offers the ability to build flexi and take flexi days off. It’s amazing and I’ll never not be grateful for it. I’ve absolutely got my money’s worth. Flexi has given me more holidays than I couldn’t dreamed of. But at what cost? My workdays were becoming long, sad and unsustainable. So I’ve taken a step back. Focussing more on the occasional early finish. Working til when I want, not when I’ve scheduled I need to to hit my flexi goals.

Just a couple of little examples for you. But I can’t even tell you how much they’re given me since January. They’ve given me rest. And I can’t see me going back.

But enough about me. What are your new year’s resolutions and how are they going? Did they fall by the wayside February 1st? Two weeks into Jan? Jan 1st when you ordered that big, delicious hangover takeout? Haha. It’s okay. We’ve all been there. But I think March is actually a great time to take stock, reassess and move forward. So realllllly what I’m saying is you should be thanking me for taking so long to write this! Ohmigosh, you’re so welcome.

Okay, no even I’m sick of me now.

But glad I checked in. I’ve missed you. I hope you’re hanging in there. Will you see me again this sun orbit? Dude, we don’t make promises here.

Have a fanfuckingtastic twentytwentytwo, friend.

Peace x

Respirate – Pinegrove