sarahwilliamsandco

Fill your cup

As I was drinking my iced coffee before I realised what they say is true: you simply can’t pour from an empty cup. So I finished my last swig and ordered another coffee.

I’m kidding. Well, I’m not. I did order another coffee. But I was out for lunch with my sister and I glanced at the time. Three and a half goddamn hours. Gun to my head, I thought it had been two tops. We’d just had a lot to say and had been enjoying each other’s company. What a way to idle away an afternoon. I love my siblings. If you’ve been here before, you’ll know. I can barely shut up about them, haha. I could simply just talk to them forever with no break.

Speaking with my sister today just made me feel refreshed. It filled up my cup. Sometimes you don’t even realise you’ve been running low, barely a sip left. But then you have three iced coffees and feel rejuvenated. You feel like even though life can be hard and it’s certainly not always fun, life is ultimately good. Cos of the people you get to spend it with. Cos they make you feel whole and happy and validated. Often without even realising it. But often they do, cos you’re doing the same for them. And that’s pretty magic.

So yeah, I’m sat on the train heading back home and just looking at the fading daylight out the window and feeling sentimental and I thought I’d check in. It’s May now. When did I last check in? I’m assuming January cos let’s be real.

I hope this year has been going wonderfully for you, I really do. But as always, if it hasn’t that’s okay. Life ebbs and flows and so will bad times. You won’t always feel this way, soon you’ll feel great joy and I can’t wait to see it. If you have been feeling good, yes! Love that for you and I hope this season of life lasts as long as it can. Ring every drop out of it.

But good or bad, I hope you remember to fill your cup. Whatever it may be. I’d recommend a really nice big chat with a loved one. But perhaps I’m just biased.

Peace x

True Blue – boygenius

May 6, 2023

amwriting, blogger, family, fillyourcup, iced coffee, life, selfcare, siblings, writersofig
Be gentle with yourself

For a few years now, each January I’ve been picking myself a word of the year. Not an unheard of concept. But I’ve been enjoying it. It obviously isn’t going to fit every facet of your life cos it’s just one little word. It can’t work miracles. But I think it’s nice to have a ponder around the end of the year about what you want for yourself in the next twelve months. What do you want to achieve, sure. But for me, the word is less goal-oriented and more just a vibe. It’s how you want to treat yourself in the next year. And it’s what you want to do for yourself. It’s a matter of self-care.

This is all to say that this year I’ve chosen the word gentle.

Last year I chose ‘rest’. I’m infamous for doing too much and jerking myself around. Letting my battery drain flat almost weekly. But I feel like I really made some good strides towards slowing down in twentytwentytwo. However, I know I can do better. There’s room to improve and grow. And so ‘gentle’ it is.

I don’t often share my word with people, it’s something just for me. But I don’t know, I just kinda thought this year’s might need to be heard by some of you. That you’ve maybe been jerking yourselves around too. Running on empty and making promises you shouldn’t and commitments you can’t even fit into your schedule. Well you know what? Fuck that. F u c k t h a t.

It’s time to rest.

We only get one shot on this earth and it can be easy to think we need to live it like an Instagram highlight reel. But that’s not real life, we all know that by now. Real life is much slower and much less glamourous. But it’s in the smaller, quieter moments that we learn who we are. So I encourage you to find some moments of silence this year. Just be alone with yourself. See what comes up. What feelings, emotions. It might not be that deep, maybe you’ll just find a new hobby and that’s just as great. I’ve recently been doing criss cross puzzles as I listen to audiobooks. And goddamn it’s so relaxing.

So that’s one interpretation of gentle for this year. But it’s not the only one.

Humans are creatures of stress and panic and anxiousness. Maybe now more than ever. I’ve talked about it before, but how much of that could be avoided? Not all of it, of course. Much of life is out of our control and we can merely react to it. But the moments where there’s an option to let something go, step back from something or altogether turn our backs on something, maybe this year we try to be gentle with ourselves and take the plunge. Moving through life angering at every little thing we face is something I’ve definitely done before. But it’s fucking exhausting. And I don’t want to live in a world where I hate everything and everyone. So I try to find ways to make it more bearable. A super small example: I hate crowded places where there’s a lot going on. I feel overstimulated very quickly. But getting to my office from my bus stop the other side of the city centre, or even just getting my groceries or meeting a friend for coffee, requires me to venture out into the madness. So I simply put headphones on. I find (mainly, safety first) blocking off one sense helps quieten down the world a bit and I can get lost in a good story or at the moment the lyrics of Stormzy, lol. My brain focuses on that and basically autopilots me through the people. I feel much less stressed and often actively happier cos music can really just improve your day like that, can’t it? You may be thinking, what the fuck is she talking about there? I’m gonna assume you’re an extrovert then. But that’s okay, as always, your thing might not be my thing. But you know what your pressure points are so work on ridding them from your day to day.

Now those pesky uncontrollable stresses we were talking about earlier? Yeah, they’re harder.

Let’s just say it, they fucking suck. Some moments are truly sent to test us in this life. It’s not fair and it can be agonising. If you’re going through it right now, I’m sorry. I really wish you weren’t. And I hope you’re okay. And if you’re not, don’t suffer alone. Let someone help you. Your people are there for you. But if you are going through something right now, I especially want you to try and be gentle with yourself. Made plans this coming week that you really can’t face? Fucking cancel them. Can’t quite convince yourself to go for that run? Fuck it off. Just want to curl up on the couch and watch 27 Dresses and cry? Fucking do it. Some things in life are just painful. You can’t wrap a piece of shit up in a bow, you just can’t. So don’t feel the pressure to try and do that. You don’t need to be okay every second of every day. Slow it down. Be gentle. Remember that these moments are fleeting. And whilst the pain or anguish or grief or anger may never fade completely, the urgency of the moment will fade away. You will be happy again, I know it doesn’t feel it right now. But we don’t need to think about the future right now. We need to stay present in the now. Give yourself the space to feel what you need to feel. Stop trying to bury it down and pull yourself in five different directions to please others. Put yourself first. And be gentle. Make a hot chocolate, run a bath, do a jigsaw, some yoga, a nap, a frozen pizza (the tried and true), a dreary night time walk or a fort on the couch. Sit still and decide which you need tonight on this cold, rainy, miserable Sunday evening. Find one thing to make yourself smile and do it.

I hope you find moments of serenity this year, I truly do.

Love you.

Peace x

Heaven I Know – Gordi

January 15, 2023

amwriting, blogger, gentle, gentleliving, life, relaxation, rest, selfcare, selflove, slowdown, twentytwentythree, wordoftheyear, writersofig
In defence of my 9-5

Found this in my drafts from May 2021 but it all still resonates so thought I’d post. Why didn’t I post it back then? I think we all damn know why. (I’m aware I’m twentynine now, thank you. But I’m not editing it.)

I’ve always described myself as someone with good intentions but no follow through. Like if people came with taglines, this would be mine. I don’t know when I became this person. I think when I was younger I was quite driven but now I kinda just float along. And I’m totally okay with that. I enjoy it. Or I wouldn’t do it. I like life being easy and relaxed and stress-free. That’s not to say my life is those things all the time, I wish. But I try not to invite more stress into my life. I live in a way that minimises stress and drama because I just don’t care for it. I despise conflict. If we’re not on this earth-shaped playground for this tiny amount of time to have fun and make meaningful connections and have adventures then why are we here? It can’t just be bills and rent and then we die. I refuse to live that way. But I think along the way I’ve sacrificed a lot of ambition in exchange for a calmer existence. I work jobs that don’t require my brain and don’t challenge me. But I’m not motivated by money or the cutthroat career culture that exists in so many fields today. I also, at twentyseven, have no idea what I want my ‘career’ to even be. Why do we need a career anyway? We’re brainwashed into that at an early age. But what’s wrong with just working a job? There’s a lot to be said about a 9-5 that you forget the minute you walk out the office door. No work-based stress follows me home, no one expects anything from me once I clock out, and I’m free to enjoy my evening or weekend however I like. There is zero pressure. Now this isn’t to say that careers aren’t flipping great. Don’t get me wrong. I know a lot of people killing it in their field and loving their work. But since finishing uni, I’ve been asked so many times ‘what I’m doing’. What does that even mean? It means people feel sorry for you or pity you if you ‘just’ work a desk job. But I’m not embarrassed of my job, it facilitates my lifestyle in many more ways than just financial. (Also it’s a good job. White collar bullshit. I’m privileged to have my job, believe me, I do not take that for granted. It’s cushy as shit.) And it’s not like the people I love mean any harm when they enquire on your life goals. They’re just interested. They want the best for you, they want you to be happy. But I think we live in a world where we focus on far too much of our happiness coming from work. Should it not come from every other single thing going on in your life besides work? Or at least as well as. I don’t know, I also know a lot of people who are just figuring out what they want to do or just pay the bills. And I wanna normalise that in this weird millennial-burnout-sidehustle-beyourownboss environment we’re living in it’s okay to be the Chandler of the group.

Yeah, this isn’t the blog post I came here to write. But I got so distracted by the first line that I wrote and here’s where the tangent has taken us. And I kinda like it so I’m just gonna go with it. What I was actually gonna write was about how much I lie so much about making these blog posts regular. But like it’s been two almost blogless months and I’m crawling back with my tail between my legs. But hey, we can save that for ~~next week~~ two years from now.

Hilariously, I did save this for two years later. Guess the other topic is just gonna have to keep waiting..

Hope you’re having a wonderful Tuesday. Do something to make yourself smile today.

This Is What I Mean – Stormzy

January 10, 2023

9-5, 9to5, calm, hustleculture, slowdown, worklifebalance
twentytwentythree

It’s twentytwentythree, bitches. Who’s ready for another round then?

I think the idea of denial is fascinating. Because I don’t know about you, but from my little viewpoint this world is getting rougher and bleaker every year. The world’s on fire, we’re exhausted, run down and losing the will. Yet come January I’m out here with my new year’s blinkers on acting like life’s a peach and that this new year is going to be spectacular. That’s impressive denial I’d say.

It’s interesting cos in the past I’d say that wild optimism came from the allure of possibility that a new year holds. Now? Now I think we’re all just thinking surellllly it can’t get worse. Right?

Haha. But you know what? There’s way too much fucking doom and gloom out there. And I get it, it’s warranted, I feel it. But it also drags you down. And I like my little corner of the internet to be a place where you can go for some respite. A little relax. Maybe a giggle. I want you to fill your cup. So we’re gonna blindly focus on the blind optimism. Who’s gonna stop me! Drunk on power.

So like what is there even to be excited about you might ask? It’s troubling that my advice for this year is weirdly similar to the covid years, but it fits for different reasons now. This year, focus on what you can control. There’s so much already to worry about, groceries cost fifteen grand these days. Like we cannot change that, so we can’t obsess about it. We can do the best we can and the rest will happen. It’s scary, I won’t deny you that. But I don’t want you to spend your next year as an edgy ball of stress. I want you to focus instead on what you can control. Say it with me. What. We. Can. Control.

What does that look like? Dude, I don’t know you. It could look like whatever the hell makes your soul sing. For me it’s drinking coffee. It’s listening to the rain outside whilst I read a good book. It’s watching Glass Onion. It’s going for a walk in the park with my partner and judging all the dog owners whilst not being dog owners. It’s baking a cake and torturing my sweet-toothed mate with pictures. It’s slow days on the couch. It’s trips to the theatre. It’s gabbing with my sisters. It’s going to gigs with my brother. It’s three hour phone calls with my nan. It’s building furniture for my dad. Just joking, it’s not that one but I know he’ll get a kick out of that line. Love you, Terry. It’s eating a big bag of crisps. It’s moving my body. Yoga, it’s honestly the way forward. Why am I still trying to convince you people? It’s frozen pizza, it’s always frozen pizza. It’s rearranging my bookshelves. It’s journaling and finding moments of silence. It’s starting a jigsaw with my partner and giving up after two hours cos we’re little bitches. It’s breathing fresh air. It’s staring at the night sky out my bedroom window. It’s letting the sun burn my retinas cos even my retinas are probably Vitamin D deficient. I can only assume. It’s the occasional beer but I’m trying to cut back. It’s dancing round my house like weirdo but it’s joyful. And it’s writing to you guys I hope. Every time I open a new document and sit myself down, the feelings writing gives me all come flooding back. It’s remembering that feeling so I give myself the opportunity to sit down more. It’s so many damn things.

What tangible goals am I setting this year? This too abstract for you? Here you are, I’ll tell ya:

I am goddamn getting a driver’s license, man. I’m twentynine, it’s getting ridiculous. It needs to be done. I don’t even want or need a car. HA. I just want it for that random Sunday morning where we’ve stayed at a mate’s house and my partner is too hungover to drive us home and I’m just sat in a room in the Wirral, hugging my knees to my chest rocking side to side and staring at the wall. Pass me the keys, hun! Also I want to stop getting teased for having a green license, iykyk.

I’m applying for my masters. Yep, it’s happening. I’ve always wanted to do one and I almost did right out of uni but life gets in the way and before you know it your twenties have passed you by and you still don’t even really know what you’re doing with your life. Will a masters fix that? Nah. But you don’t need to know what the fuck you’re doing to enjoy your life. And I enjoy my life. But I want a masters just for me. So we’re getting one. Is that a reckless use of money? Oh surely. But I’m not paying the first loan back anyway so add another!

I’m going to NYC. This is not a goal at all, it’s a flex. I’ve already bought the flights, I’m going. I just wanted to tell you all about it cos I’m ridiculously excited. Can’t wait to pretend I live in Brooklyn for a week. I’m gonna drink so much coffee it’s ungodly. Did someone say new tattoo? Happy to oblige. Bougie yoga class? I’ll be there! Statue of Liberty? Pssh who’s she?

And I reckon that’s it. I like to keep things short and sweet in my old age. I used to set so many goals (all with the best of intentions) but then just hate on myself when I inevitably failed them. But we’re not about that anymore.

Gentle is the way to go.

Be kind to yourself and move slowly. There’s really no rush. There’s no life timeline you need to be checking boxes on. All my mates are getting engaged lately or having babies or getting dogs or getting promotions. And that’s great. I’m so happy for them all, they’re living their best lives. But don’t be fooled into thinking you have to make a cookie cutter life to fit in. Hate dogs? Sound. Think babies are gross? I hear ya. Marriage is patriarchy? Preach. But love your dog more than life itself? Also sound. Think babies are adorable? I can see that. Marriage is a wonderful commitment? Okay. The beautiful thing about life is it’s a choose your own adventure game. Your own adventure. Your own. Yours. (Sorry, did you catch that? Good, just want to make sure.)

So don’t sweat it. However you’re starting your twentytwentythree is miraculous. You just even being here, existing is magic. Give yourself a fucking break. Life is not a race to the grave. It really isn’t. That’s not living, man. And you’re killing it. You really are. So whatever you want this year, I hope you get it. But I also hope you find little pockets of rest for yourself. Moments of silence. Days of reflection. Give gratitude. I’m thankful every day that you’re here, so even on days when you can’t quite believe that, I’ll believe it for you. Stick around. Please.

I hope you have a sublime twentytwentythree. I truly do.

Where Do You Go – Day Wave

January 4, 2023

2023, adventure, amwriting, blogger, goals, life, newyear, newyear’sresolutions, newyears, selfcare, selflove, travel, twentytwentythree, writersofig
Saturday night ramblings

Today has been a great day. Like genuine gold. And I literally worked nine hours of overtime. Make that make sense. But I don’t know, man. That’s just how I’m feeling. It’s just been a day of personal growth. Maybe a bit of long-awaited acceptance. A bit of actually listening to what my body and mind are telling me. Sitting in quiet. But also taking myself on a reading coffee date to the park.

Why today?

Couldn’t fucking tell you. But I’m not gonna say no to a gift dropped in my lap. To insult it by asking. Sometimes I think you don’t even realise you’ve been down til you have a truly sublime day. And your axis just tilts. I don’t know. I just kind of wanted to tell you. I miss you. I hope you’ve had a great day too. If not, that’s okay. We’ll try again tomorrow. And that’s pretty magic.

I know I sound drunk probably. Hasn’t shown up since an obligatory post in March and now pops up out the blue at eleven pm on a Saturday. But I’m actually stone cold sober. And I think that’s what makes this feeling so much more important.

Take care of yourselves.

Young and In Love (Sam de Jong Remix) – Ingrid Michaelson

August 20, 2022

amwriting, blogger, feelinggood, goodvibes, life, selfcare, selflove, writersofig
twentytwentytwo

The fucking audacity of this bitch to be completely non-existent for nine months and then show up with the long-standing annual new year’s post in MARCH with no explanation or excuse. The utter cheek.

Yes, hi, hello, that bitch is me.

How the heck are ya? How is twentytwentytwo treating you? I hope spectacularly. And you know what, if not, that’s okay. We’ve still got nine months to play with here. Is every year of our lives gonna be the best? Of course not. Life is not a fucking straight shot upwards forever until we die. No matter what the kid you were mildly jealous of in high school’s instagram tells you. So don’t put pressure on yourself this year. But also, by the same token. Don’t like admit defeated. I think it’s a shame when people write off a year in June cos well maybe something truly goddamn awful happened to you, or maybe you just had something kinda shit happen. I get it. Believe me, I’ve had those years. Twentyseventeen, looking at you, you bastard. But just don’t admit defeat. You can wish daily that the year will end so you can move into another. I endorse that, mainly. But I also want you to daily believe that something a little magical could happen. Maybe you find a trolly at the supermarket that still has a quid in it. Maybe your mate sends you a sickeningly wholesome instagram post about the beauty of libraries and you cry but like in a good way. Maybe you make a frozen pizza and don’t burn it, cos honestly that’s always a win. These are not big things, people. But on the day you need them they can feel like true , unbridled joy. So I hope you a handful of these days this year. Let’s not be greedy. We’ve SOMEHOW entered into yet another shocking year with covid just being the tip of the iceberg. What are we on now? About seven years of hellfire in a row? Mate, give yourself a pat on the back that you’re even here. You’ve done well to survive.

I bet at the start of this post I tricked you into thinking you were getting a succinct, proof-read, paragraphed piece. You are not. This is a word vomit of a piece if we ever saw one. Will I read it back? Probably not. I think typos are funny. Gotta keep you guys on your toes.

So what are my goals for this year? Well actually, lol, that’s actually a pretty easy one. Nothing. Nada. Zero. Zilch. I have absolutely no fucking goals this year. For the first time in many years. I love lists and planning and goals. But alas, no! This year, your girl is focussing on one thing. And that is rest. r-e-s-t. REST.

Oh not heard of it? No, I didn’t bloody think you had.

I definitely recommend it though. Try it sometime. Get so relaxed you don’t write your new year’s post for three months. Just kidding, we all absolutely know that was laziness. But honestly. Give it a go. How? Okay, as always, start simply. Think about the things in your life that are causing you stress, panic, pressure. We can’t control absolutely all of these unfortunately. Figure out which ones you can. How many of them are you getting in your own way? How many are the result of your best but overambitious intentions? And how many can we say goodbye to?

You know I like to help you out so I’ll give you some of my own examples. I no longer shower, get dressed, brush my teeth, move from the couch, read books, interact with humans. No I’m just kidding. Although does that sounds like wfh to anyone? Just me? Okay, shh.

-So I’ve set a yearly reading goal every year for as long as I can remember and whilst it’s great encouragement, it’s more recently become a burden to me. If you’re picking up 200 page or under books so that you can hit a reading goal, it’s time for the goal to go, babe. Give me Anna Karenina or give me death.

-My workplace offers the ability to build flexi and take flexi days off. It’s amazing and I’ll never not be grateful for it. I’ve absolutely got my money’s worth. Flexi has given me more holidays than I couldn’t dreamed of. But at what cost? My workdays were becoming long, sad and unsustainable. So I’ve taken a step back. Focussing more on the occasional early finish. Working til when I want, not when I’ve scheduled I need to to hit my flexi goals.

Just a couple of little examples for you. But I can’t even tell you how much they’re given me since January. They’ve given me rest. And I can’t see me going back.

But enough about me. What are your new year’s resolutions and how are they going? Did they fall by the wayside February 1st? Two weeks into Jan? Jan 1st when you ordered that big, delicious hangover takeout? Haha. It’s okay. We’ve all been there. But I think March is actually a great time to take stock, reassess and move forward. So realllllly what I’m saying is you should be thanking me for taking so long to write this! Ohmigosh, you’re so welcome.

Okay, no even I’m sick of me now.

But glad I checked in. I’ve missed you. I hope you’re hanging in there. Will you see me again this sun orbit? Dude, we don’t make promises here.

Have a fanfuckingtastic twentytwentytwo, friend.

Peace x

Respirate – Pinegrove

March 10, 2022

2022, amwriting, blogger, goals, life, newyearnewme, newyears, resolutions, selfcare, selflove, twentytwentytwo, writersofig
This is a check in pt.2

Yes, I am still alive. Are you pleased? Or just exasperated? Lol. Hmmkay, let’s ease into this blog post shall we?

How the hell are you?

It’s been a long time. So I just wanna check in really. A part two, if you will. What’s going on with you? What’s been happening? Are we vaccinated? How’s our mental health? Have you been able/felt comfortable to see some friends and family yet?

What’s new with me? Not a massive amount tbh. Just plodding along. Me and my boyfriend bought out first house, so that’s pretty big I guess. That feels like a bit of an obnoxious flex though so lemme tell you some other things that have happened to me. I woke up after getting trashed the other day and had like four bruises on me? How even. I’ve had a blister on my toe for like a month now, we’re not mates, please leave. My nan gave me a spare jar of coffee when I moved in and such a sweet gesture but honestly it’s the most yuck coffee ever and I’m still soldiering through it. (Btw don’t feel bad for her, she hates coffee and she got it free in a Christmas hamper, she just wanted any old sap to take it off her hands, enter me.) I fell asleep listening to an audiobook by accident and then spent like twenty minutes the next day working out where the fuck I was up to. I tripped over a curb the other day by my office in front of about twenty builders having lunch, actually kill me. I have no career-based ambition, not a tiny inkling inside me. (Okay that one’s heavy, but we’re trying to outweigh a big flex here, work with me.) I was sick on my own carpet last week after one too many ring of fires (yes, I do still pretend I’m in uni) and honestly, that’s mortifying. But I’m getting laminate put down in two weeks so I guess that one cancels itself out, weyyy. I saw a potential spoiler for The Walking Dead season ten on my Youtube the other day and I’m still over here hovering on season seven. I ordered a tofu stir fry vegetable udon dish from a takeout the other day and when it arrived there was no tofu in it. That one hurt the most tbh.

But yeah, I guess you get the point now? Or would you like some more? I’ve got many more. I realise most of those sound like I’m a pisshead. I swear I’m not. Just been getting a little too excited about finally being able to see people and go out and also wow if my tolerance hasn’t been shot in the last year but wow don’t I drink as if it’s the same!

Anyway though, in all seriousness, I hope you’re doing good. We’re coming off fifteen months of hellfire with no real end yet in sight. So I just wanted to check in. Ask you how you’re doing in case no one has today. Or this week. Or this month. And maybe you haven’t asked yourself either. And that’s okay, sometimes self-denial is what you need to get through. But also slowing down and taking stock and reflecting can be just what you need. So I hope you’re okay, or getting there.

I’m also hoping at some point that these blog posts can start having a more exciting upward swing again. Ah remember the innocent days of ‘Top 5 Vegan Restaurants in Liverpool’ and ‘Places to Visit in Berlin’ and ‘Hamilton: The Musical Review’? If only we’d known. Would we have enjoyed it more? Nah, I already enjoyed all those things an obscene amount. But I am excited to get back to those adventures and I’ll try and remember to feel grateful once I get there. I don’t know why I haven’t been writing to you much lately, or like for two years now. Maybe it’s just the subconscious weight of it all? Maybe I’m lazy? I don’t know but I hope I see more of you soon. For now, look after yourselves.

Peace x

Lucky Girl – Fazerdaze

June 24, 2021

howareyou, life, lockdown, mentalhealth, peace, selfcare, slowliving, takecare, thisisacheckin
why women are angry

I’ve spent the last couple of days watching my social media explode. Watching my friends and the women I love and women I look up to express their anger, their fury. For Sarah Everard. For the hellfire systems we live in. For the constant injustices we’re forced to swallow. But also for each other. For solidarity. For sisterhood. To make sure everyone knows they are seen. And heard. They’ve all written so eloquently and openly, it’s been a balm to my own fury. But I haven’t shared any of my own words yet. I’ve been wondering what else do I have to add to the conversation? Everything I’ve read, I’ve resonated with. I’ve felt it, deeply. But I can’t do it any more articulately. Would my voice just be more repetitive noise to an already very loud situation? Did I have anything new to say?

And then I realised it.

That’s the fucking point. You don’t need a new angle, you just need to show up. With your truth and your anger and your experience. Because we’ve all experienced this bullshit. On a daily basis. Our whole goddamn lives. This is not an isolated incident. This particular case was the worst kinds of extreme and horrifically insidious. But it stems from somewhere. It all weaves up from an unshakeable belief that men feel superior in this world. Because this world was built by you and for you. And I don’t need to hear any of this shit about ‘not all men’. Give me a fucking break. Because if it’s not you, that’s fantastic. Now what are you doing everyday to be a feminist and stand up for women and call out bullshit? You’re not off the hook, far from it. You saying it’s ‘shocking’ or ‘appalling’ just isn’t going to cut it anymore. It’s not shocking, it’s our reality. You should not be shocked by this. Because it isn’t surprising. And women are being brainwashed into feeling numb to it because it’s easier, it’s a quieter life. Stay in your place. They’re not even being allowed their fucking fury. What you’ve seen the last couple of days is the women you know taking their power back. So fucking sit up and listen. Every tiny story or memory adds together to create the whole. It’s the seemingly insignificant cases that we actually need to begin with. Because it’s inherent belief systems and mentalities that we need to challenge and alter. Women are not being dramatic. They are giving you the fucking roadmap on how to change the world. But we can’t do it alone.

When I was fifteen, my mum would tell me to text her when I got to my friends house. Let me know you’re safe. I’d inevitably meet my friends, become an excited adolescent and the text would completely slip my mind. I was a kid. She was being too overprotective. I’m fine. Twenty minutes after my scheduled arrival my mum would call or text me and I’d instantly feel guilty. I’m sorry, I’m safe, I forgot, I’ll see you later. But the actual problem there is that mothers don’t feel safe letting their daughters do a ten minute walk in a quiet suburb to their friends house in broad fucking daylight. And that’s just day one of being a woman. Grab a pen, kid, here’s your crash course:

Don’t drink too much it’s sloppy. Don’t drink too little you’ll be a prude. Don’t wear that short skirt, slut. Don’t wear boys clothes, lesbian whore. Don’t talk to strangers it leads them on. Don’t ignore people you look stuck up. Don’t walk home in the dark. Don’t walk home in the day. Don’t walk home through parks. Don’t run through parks. Oh but don’t get in a taxi. Don’t get a late bus alone. Don’t be alone. Don’t be in heels. Don’t be in trainers. Don’t smile. Don’t speak. Don’t think. Don’t breathe.

It’s a goddamn minefield.

Your shock is not welcome here. And neither is your intentional ignorance. These experiences that women are telling you about are not shocking. They’re the tip of the fucking iceberg. And your shock won’t help the Everard family. But your actions will help women everywhere.

And I’m just furious. This was a stream of consciousness post and I’m not wanting to make it pretty. This is how I feel. I’m sorry if it alienates you or you find it harsh but idgaf. I’m sick and tired of feeling exhausted. I’m tired of explaining things to people. I’m bored of you not understanding the lived experience of women when we tell you about it all goddamn day. And this is me speaking as a privileged cishet white woman. I can’t even imagine the added struggles and fears of my trans sisters, my sisters of colour, my sisters with disabilities. But I can put in the work to listen and change my behaviour. And so can you. We shouldn’t need to be your daughters, sisters, mothers, girlfriends for you to care. You need to call out your male friends every day. Whenever they say anything problematic. Because it’s all insidiously linked together. Oh what, you don’t want to be seen as a killjoy? Can’t take a joke? Too sensitive? Well, quite honestly, get over yourself. You would never make it as a woman with skin that thin. Realise that this is not about you, but it is up to you to change sexism in any tiny way you can. If you can post an IWD picture of your mum and sister the other day but you can’t call yourself a feminist then think about why. What are you fucking scared of? Cos unfortunately we can’t do it without you. Why do you think nothing changes? Because we police girls instead of educating boys. So let’s do some fucking educating.

Peace.

Pussy Whipped – Bikini Kill (Yes, I’m putting an entire album today. Go listen to this excellent, angry riot grrrl shouting if you need to blow off some steam. And women, please take care of yourselves. If you feel helpless or hopeless, I get it. I feel it too. But we don’t give up. That’s not who we are. You are magic.)

March 12, 2021

amwriting, blogger, feminism, feminist, life, saraheverard, sexism, thefutureisfemale, women, writersofig
On Feeling Good

I think I like to write blog posts when I’m feeling good. And hopeful. And optimistic. That’s not to say that for the long, lonely months I leave you blog-less that I’m feeling bad. Not at all. But it’s more like those days where you wake up and just know it’s gonna be a good day. You know the ones I mean? And it’s not because you necessarily think the world is magic or that you believe there’s a higher power who’s gonna make your day good. But there’s an unexplainable feeling (hell, maybe there’s an explicit reason and those are great days too) and then you actively choose to have a good day. The feeling is just a suggestion, it’s up to you to seize it. There’s just a vibrating hum in your bones or you can’t stop smiling whilst you’re brushing your teeth for some reason or you feel the sunshine hit your retinas the second you leave your door. One of those days. And today is one of those days for me. So, hello, hi. How’s it going? What’s new with you?

It’s actually a really dreary day here in Liverpool today. (For me it was the uncontrollable teeth brushing smiling today, not the burning of the retinas.) But it’s fucking Friday so I’m feeling fantastic. I’ve been doing a lot of Saturday overtime recently cos money, but tomorrow I’m free and that honestly feels glorious! I’m going to sleep in and then I’m going to drown myself in coffee, how every good day begins. Perhaps next I’ll move my body in the form of yoga. I’ll get my pops involved, because he loves Adriene almost as much as I do. When you’re having a lazy morning, there just has to be scrambled tofu involved. Like it’s the law, I don’t know what to tell you. Shout out to my sister for the greatest recipe ever. Then maybe, weather permitting, I’ll go for a walk on the beach with my boyfriend. Yes, I feel unbelievably thankful and grateful to live on the coast. There’s just something about the ocean waves, man. From there, the world is really my oyster. Lockdown ain’t gonna stop me enjoying my life. We just adjust and find new ways to feel good. Maybe I’ll while away the afternoon reading. Maybe I’ll binge The Walking Dead, although we’re going for a chill vibe so maybe I’ll skip that hellfire til Monday. Perhaps I’ll watch a movie, Moxie, new to Netflix, looks like an excellent gen z feminist good time. Suppose I may do some baking. Or order a pizza. Or drink wine with my favourite person. Or hangout with some of my other favourite people via our camera phones. I know I sounded like a boomer there, but I’m in too good a mood to edit it. So just accept it, it’s all good. The possibilities are quite literally endless. So don’t forget that. If lockdown is getting you down, hun, I get it. It has sucked. This last year has been unlivable. But you know what? We’re fucking getting through it. We’re pushing through. We’re surviving. The end is in sight, I believe it. You gotta keep the faith. Life will resume. And you’ll savour it, and take it slower. You’ll eat out more and meet friends more, frequent pubs more, watch more movies in the cinema, hell, you might even go to a spin class. Cos it’s gonna feel like a new lease on life. And that’s cos it is. So there’s a lot to look forward to. But don’t rush it. We can’t have that right now, so instead of sending yourself mad, just focus on what you can control. And that is this weekend. And taking care of yourself. And feeling good. So what the heck are you doing this weekend? Whatever it is, I hope it’s a good one. I hope you feel good. I hope you take it slow and take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself time to rest. Relax. Breathe. And for all my weekend-working kids out there, I see you, just apply this to your next off day instead!

Have you ever noticed how I can write a whole blog post without really saying anything? Yeah, that’s kind of my brand. It’s an art form. No, I’m kidding. But I suppose I just write this blog in hopes that one single person won’t feel so lonely. Sometimes that person is me. But sometimes it’s you, and I’m glad I can be here for you. Just as you are here for me.

Your shot challenge is to take one every time I said the words good/feeling good/good day. But no driving after that, so plan accordingly.

Wasting Time – CASTLEBEAT

March 5, 2021

amwriting, blogger, feelinggood, hopeful, life, lifestyleblogger, liveslow, moveyourbody, selfcare, selflove, stayinghopeful, theendisinsight
Get moving

I feel like the past year has just been a lot of collective breath holding. The world is on fire. We’re all stressed out and panicked and scared and lonely and bored and grumpy and in a damn funk. And I get it. I’m right there with you.

But today we’re gonna say no to all that.

No.

NO.

Not today.

Instead, today we’re gonna dance. We’re gonna get off our lazy backsides and we’re gonna dance it out. (Okay, I’ve been binging a lot of Grey’s Anatomy recently and that might be influencing this post. But Cristina Yang is a fucking marvel and when she says dance it out, you dance it out.) All you have to do is get up and move. Right now.

And I get it. Showing up is hard. Showing up for yourself and your wellbeing is often not fun. It’s challenging and real and sometimes traumatic. But today if you show up for yourself I PROMISE you that it will be fun. So up you get.

Are you up?

Okay, good. Now turn on your music. Your music. Whatever that may be. Whatever is gonna get you moving. You turn it up loud and then you dance.

If you need a jumping off point, here’s a few of my faves:

1. Good as Hell – Lizzo

2. Music To Walk Home By – Tame Impala

3. 9 to 5 – Dolly Parton

4. I’m Coming Out – Diana Ross

5. Thinkin Bout You – Ciara

6. Nature Of The Experiment – Tokyo Police Club

7. Norgaard – The Vaccines

8. Ain’t Got Far to Go – Jess Glynne

9. Jackie And Wilson – Hozier

10. Inbetween Day – The Cure

(Don’t try and analyse my music taste cos you’ll never make sense of it. Haha!)

I feel like I’ve done a post similar to this a few years ago but honestly I’m too lazy to check. If I have, I’m sorry for recycling content. But if I have, I’m prescribing it again. Because it works. If only for a second. If only for the time your music is on and your limbs are grooving. I guarantee you will smile. The rest? Well, we’ll deal with that after. But for the next three minutes, half hour, hour just enjoying the dancing.

Disclaimer: If you are not sweating, you have not danced long or hard enough. Get back to it.

Movin’ on Up – Primal Scream

January 30, 2021

dance, dancebreak, danceitout, destress, relax, selfcare, selflove, sweatitout, takecareofyourself