People always say, ‘oh just take the first step’, ‘the first step is the hardest’, ‘it’ll be better after you take the first step’. And I’m not saying they’re wrong.

But I’m saying it’s fucking hard.

And knowing something is going to help you isn’t enough of an umph to do anything about it. Often where you are is deeply dissatisfied and sad and numb and lost and unhappy and exhausted. But it’s also known. It’s cosy and takes care of you. It’s comfortable and wraps you up in a blanket. It also closes you off from everyone. In all the most toxic ways. Your mind is so good at deceiving you. It’s debilitating.

But you don’t have to let it defeat you, whatever it is. Cos there’s no such thing as permanence in this life. And rather than allowing that concept to immobilise you, let it free you. Cos learning that life is fleeting has caused me to live with abandon. And I couldn’t go back now.

Yet even saying that, there’s plenty of things I haven’t taken the first step on because I know they’re going to be hard. And quite probably traumatic. And just sad, man. But today, after many years of knowing I need help, I asked for it.

I took the first goddamn step.

Cos I realised that I was letting it defeat me. And quite honestly, I deserve better. And shame on me for not allowing myself to believe that sooner.

I truly wouldn’t have gotten this far without my partner, my family and my friends. But at some point, it has to be down to you. Only you can make you happy. And again, knowing that isn’t a lightbulb moment. You’ll know that for a long time before you give yourself permission to pursue it.

But please pursue it.

As soon as you’re ready. You’ll know when. You’ll want it long before you’ll be ready, but don’t lose faith. It’ll happen for you. Look, it took me seven fucking years. I won’t be rushing you along any time soon. But in the meantime, I’m here for you. Should you need anything at all.

Go live your brightest life.

Sometimes – MUNA