Tag: twentytwentythree

• Be gentle with yourself

  For a few years now, each January I’ve been picking myself a word of the year. Not an unheard of concept. But I’ve been enjoying it. It obviously isn’t going to fit every facet of your life cos it’s just one little word. It can’t work miracles. But I think it’s nice to have a ponder around the end of the year about what you want for yourself in the next twelve months. What do you want to achieve, sure. But for me, the word is less goal-oriented and more just a vibe. It’s how you want to treat yourself in the next year. And it’s what you want to do for yourself. It’s a matter of self-care.

  This is all to say that this year I’ve chosen the word gentle.

  Last year I chose ‘rest’. I’m infamous for doing too much and jerking myself around. Letting my battery drain flat almost weekly. But I feel like I really made some good strides towards slowing down in twentytwentytwo. However, I know I can do better. There’s room to improve and grow. And so ‘gentle’ it is.

  I don’t often share my word with people, it’s something just for me. But I don’t know, I just kinda thought this year’s might need to be heard by some of you. That you’ve maybe been jerking yourselves around too. Running on empty and making promises you shouldn’t and commitments you can’t even fit into your schedule. Well you know what? Fuck that. F u c k  t h a t.

  It’s time to rest. 

  We only get one shot on this earth and it can be easy to think we need to live it like an Instagram highlight reel. But that’s not real life, we all know that by now. Real life is much slower and much less glamourous. But it’s in the smaller, quieter moments that we learn who we are. So I encourage you to find some moments of silence this year. Just be alone with yourself. See what comes up. What feelings, emotions. It might not be that deep, maybe you’ll just find a new hobby and that’s just as great. I’ve recently been doing criss cross puzzles as I listen to audiobooks. And goddamn it’s so relaxing.

  So that’s one interpretation of gentle for this year. But it’s not the only one.

  Humans are creatures of stress and panic and anxiousness. Maybe now more than ever. I’ve talked about it before, but how much of that could be avoided? Not all of it, of course. Much of life is out of our control and we can merely react to it. But the moments where there’s an option to let something go, step back from something or altogether turn our backs on something, maybe this year we try to be gentle with ourselves and take the plunge. Moving through life angering at every little thing we face is something I’ve definitely done before. But it’s fucking exhausting. And I don’t want to live in a world where I hate everything and everyone. So I try to find ways to make it more bearable. A super small example: I hate crowded places where there’s a lot going on. I feel overstimulated very quickly. But getting to my office from my bus stop the other side of the city centre, or even just getting my groceries or meeting a friend for coffee, requires me to venture out into the madness. So I simply put headphones on. I find (mainly, safety first) blocking off one sense helps quieten down the world a bit and I can get lost in a good story or at the moment the lyrics of Stormzy, lol. My brain focuses on that and basically autopilots me through the people. I feel much less stressed and often actively happier cos music can really just improve your day like that, can’t it? You may be thinking, what the fuck is she talking about there? I’m gonna assume you’re an extrovert then. But that’s okay, as always, your thing might not be my thing. But you know what your pressure points are so work on ridding them from your day to day.

  Now those pesky uncontrollable stresses we were talking about earlier? Yeah, they’re harder.

  Let’s just say it, they fucking suck. Some moments are truly sent to test us in this life. It’s not fair and it can be agonising. If you’re going through it right now, I’m sorry. I really wish you weren’t. And I hope you’re okay. And if you’re not, don’t suffer alone. Let someone help you. Your people are there for you. But if you are going through something right now, I especially want you to try and be gentle with yourself. Made plans this coming week that you really can’t face? Fucking cancel them. Can’t quite convince yourself to go for that run? Fuck it off. Just want to curl up on the couch and watch 27 Dresses and cry? Fucking do it. Some things in life are just painful. You can’t wrap a piece of shit up in a bow, you just can’t. So don’t feel the pressure to try and do that. You don’t need to be okay every second of every day. Slow it down. Be gentle. Remember that these moments are fleeting. And whilst the pain or anguish or grief or anger may never fade completely, the urgency of the moment will fade away. You will be happy again, I know it doesn’t feel it right now. But we don’t need to think about the future right now. We need to stay present in the now. Give yourself the space to feel what you need to feel. Stop trying to bury it down and pull yourself in five different directions to please others. Put yourself first. And be gentle. Make a hot chocolate, run a bath, do a jigsaw, some yoga, a nap, a frozen pizza (the tried and true), a dreary night time walk or a fort on the couch. Sit still and decide which you need tonight on this cold, rainy, miserable Sunday evening. Find one thing to make yourself smile and do it.

  I hope you find moments of serenity this year, I truly do.

  Love you.

  Peace x

  Heaven I Know – Gordi

  January 15, 2023

  amwriting, blogger, gentle, gentleliving, life, relaxation, rest, selfcare, selflove, slowdown, twentytwentythree, wordoftheyear, writersofig

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• twentytwentythree

  It’s twentytwentythree, bitches. Who’s ready for another round then?

  I think the idea of denial is fascinating. Because I don’t know about you, but from my little viewpoint this world is getting rougher and bleaker every year. The world’s on fire, we’re exhausted, run down and losing the will. Yet come January I’m out here with my new year’s blinkers on acting like life’s a peach and that this new year is going to be spectacular. That’s impressive denial I’d say.

  It’s interesting cos in the past I’d say that wild optimism came from the allure of possibility that a new year holds. Now? Now I think we’re all just thinking surellllly it can’t get worse. Right?

  Haha. But you know what? There’s way too much fucking doom and gloom out there. And I get it, it’s warranted, I feel it. But it also drags you down. And I like my little corner of the internet to be a place where you can go for some respite. A little relax. Maybe a giggle. I want you to fill your cup. So we’re gonna blindly focus on the blind optimism. Who’s gonna stop me! Drunk on power.

  So like what is there even to be excited about you might ask? It’s troubling that my advice for this year is weirdly similar to the covid years, but it fits for different reasons now. This year, focus on what you can control. There’s so much already to worry about, groceries cost fifteen grand these days. Like we cannot change that, so we can’t obsess about it. We can do the best we can and the rest will happen. It’s scary, I won’t deny you that. But I don’t want you to spend your next year as an edgy ball of stress. I want you to focus instead on what you can control. Say it with me. What. We. Can. Control.

  What does that look like? Dude, I don’t know you. It could look like whatever the hell makes your soul sing. For me it’s drinking coffee. It’s listening to the rain outside whilst I read a good book. It’s watching Glass Onion. It’s going for a walk in the park with my partner and judging all the dog owners whilst not being dog owners. It’s baking a cake and torturing my sweet-toothed mate with pictures. It’s slow days on the couch. It’s trips to the theatre. It’s gabbing with my sisters. It’s going to gigs with my brother. It’s three hour phone calls with my nan. It’s building furniture for my dad. Just joking, it’s not that one but I know he’ll get a kick out of that line. Love you, Terry. It’s eating a big bag of crisps. It’s moving my body. Yoga, it’s honestly the way forward. Why am I still trying to convince you people? It’s frozen pizza, it’s always frozen pizza. It’s rearranging my bookshelves. It’s journaling and finding moments of silence. It’s starting a jigsaw with my partner and giving up after two hours cos we’re little bitches. It’s breathing fresh air. It’s staring at the night sky out my bedroom window. It’s letting the sun burn my retinas cos even my retinas are probably Vitamin D deficient. I can only assume. It’s the occasional beer but I’m trying to cut back. It’s dancing round my house like weirdo but it’s joyful. And it’s writing to you guys I hope. Every time I open a new document and sit myself down, the feelings writing gives me all come flooding back. It’s remembering that feeling so I give myself the opportunity to sit down more. It’s so many damn things. 

  What tangible goals am I setting this year? This too abstract for you? Here you are, I’ll tell ya:

  I am goddamn getting a driver’s license, man. I’m twentynine, it’s getting ridiculous. It needs to be done. I don’t even want or need a car. HA. I just want it for that random Sunday morning where we’ve stayed at a mate’s house and my partner is too hungover to drive us home and I’m just sat in a room in the Wirral, hugging my knees to my chest rocking side to side and staring at the wall. Pass me the keys, hun! Also I want to stop getting teased for having a green license, iykyk. 

  I’m applying for my masters. Yep, it’s happening. I’ve always wanted to do one and I almost did right out of uni but life gets in the way and before you know it your twenties have passed you by and you still don’t even really know what you’re doing with your life. Will a masters fix that? Nah. But you don’t need to know what the fuck you’re doing to enjoy your life. And I enjoy my life. But I want a masters just for me. So we’re getting one. Is that a reckless use of money? Oh surely. But I’m not paying the first loan back anyway so add another!

  I’m going to NYC. This is not a goal at all, it’s a flex. I’ve already bought the flights, I’m going. I just wanted to tell you all about it cos I’m ridiculously excited. Can’t wait to pretend I live in Brooklyn for a week. I’m gonna drink so much coffee it’s ungodly. Did someone say new tattoo? Happy to oblige. Bougie yoga class? I’ll be there! Statue of Liberty? Pssh who’s she?

  And I reckon that’s it. I like to keep things short and sweet in my old age. I used to set so many goals (all with the best of intentions) but then just hate on myself when I inevitably failed them. But we’re not about that anymore.

  Gentle is the way to go.

  Be kind to yourself and move slowly. There’s really no rush. There’s no life timeline you need to be checking boxes on. All my mates are getting engaged lately or having babies or getting dogs or getting promotions. And that’s great. I’m so happy for them all, they’re living their best lives. But don’t be fooled into thinking you have to make a cookie cutter life to fit in. Hate dogs? Sound. Think babies are gross? I hear ya. Marriage is patriarchy? Preach. But love your dog more than life itself? Also sound. Think babies are adorable? I can see that. Marriage is a wonderful commitment? Okay. The beautiful thing about life is it’s a choose your own adventure game. Your own adventure. Your own. Yours. (Sorry, did you catch that? Good, just want to make sure.)

  So don’t sweat it. However you’re starting your twentytwentythree is miraculous. You just even being here, existing is magic. Give yourself a fucking break. Life is not a race to the grave. It really isn’t. That’s not living, man. And you’re killing it. You really are. So whatever you want this year, I hope you get it. But I also hope you find little pockets of rest for yourself. Moments of silence. Days of reflection. Give gratitude. I’m thankful every day that you’re here, so even on days when you can’t quite believe that, I’ll believe it for you. Stick around. Please. 

  I hope you have a sublime twentytwentythree. I truly do.

  Where Do You Go – Day Wave

  January 4, 2023

  2023, adventure, amwriting, blogger, goals, life, newyear, newyear’sresolutions, newyears, selfcare, selflove, travel, twentytwentythree, writersofig

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