Having a bad day

Oh hi! Did I say I’d be back last Friday? Err. This Wednesday is the same thing, right? Forgive me. I have no excuses.

This past Monday, I turned 27. I know. I’ve joined the club. But let’s hope I don’t actually join the club.. I’d like to see 28 please and thank you.

And I had a lovely day. I received some kind messages, thoughtful gifts and I felt wrapped in love by the people I love. I find birthdays a weird one, I like other people’s but not really my own. But, regardless, I actually really enjoyed this one. It was simple but perfect.

So I wake up yesterday, Tuesday, and I just spiral. About everything. And about nothing. Why? Beats me. Dude, if I knew how my brain worked (or your brain for that matter) then we’d probably be much more stable humans. (Making assumptions there, you might be a stable human, pssh, stop showing off.) But anyway, it was a shit one, tbh. Just could not shake it. Couldn’t focus on anything all day. Was just in a funk. Which felt endless. Sometimes I feel like a machine that’s ran out of battery and is just sat there staring forwards waiting to be plugged back in. Numb. Is that too much? I think actually being off work this week just didn’t help either (haha said nobody ever), cos I had nothing but time to just sit and think and unravel.

But you know what? That’s totally okay.

See you have to feel your feelings as you have them. Biggest hypocrite saying that, because I often bury emotions and pretend they don’t exist. But like, I definitely wouldn’t advise it! And if I can help you by making my own mistakes and learning from them then I’d like to share my experience. I’d like to help you get through a bad day. Cos we all have them. So I’d say the first thing: stop for a sec and just acknowledge that you’re having a shocking day. Just breathe for a minute. Like close your eyes and take deep breathes. Tell yourself that you’re going to be okay. Because you are. It probably won’t feel like it in the moment and it’ll probably be the last thing on your mind. You’re frustrated. You’re sad. You’re empty. But try and say those words out loud: You. Will. Be. Okay.

And then there’s no one-size-fits-all here. Maybe a little cry will help. Maybe a little journaling will help you physically work through what’s going on. Maybe you need to scrape that hair up, get those workout clothes on and go for a run. Maybe you need to go and take a nap. All of these are good options. But we’re trying to drag ourselves back to ourselves. Like we’re trying to find some balance, right? So I don’t mean ignore the feelings, but I mean do something that’s going to let you get to the other side, today that might be actually addressing some thoughts you’ve been having, it might just be that you want to cheer yourself up. Personally, yesterday I ate a delicious Oreo cupcake that my brother and his girlfriend had baked me and I watched Legally Blonde. Because, honestly, there’s not a problem in the world that can’t be eased with some Elle Woods. At least, I haven’t found one yet!

That made me feel a lot better. I also journaled a little. I also think, if you can, speaking to someone can just be the best medicine. I tapped my fingers together for hours yesterday waiting for my boyfriend to come home. But then just getting to talk things through felt like a huge relief. It put things in perspective. And I felt my mood picking up massively. And you know what? I woke up today feeling renewed and refreshed. (It won’t always happen that way. It might take days, weeks, fucking years. But stick with it. Because the world needs you here.) Any explanation why today is any different than yesterday? Absolutely none. But it is different. Because every single day of your life will be different.

And isn’t that kinda magic?

So we kinda snuck a bit of a Self-Care Friday into a Wednesday there. Cheeky. But like, we don’t rigidly follow schedules here. Or follow them at all.. Either way, I hope your Monday was good. I hope your Tuesday was great. I hope you’re having a boss Wednesday. And will have a fucking fantastic Thursday. And if you’re not, that’s okay too. You will be okay. You’re not alone. Ever. So reach out, to someone, anyone. My DMs are not often monitored (as my friends know, heyyyo sorry!) but they’re always open if you need them.

Take care of yourselves out there.

Peace x

Old Friends – Pinegrove

Songs To Cry Your Eyes Out To

I’m actually having a pretty good day today. I’ve had a nice string of them recently. However, on good days I often think about bad days. Not in a way that makes me sad. But in a way that makes me smile. Any bad day you have will eventually lead to a good day. I like to be thankful that I’m experiencing a good day. And whilst I know I’ll have more bad days in the future, I try to push that from my thoughts and just live in the present. Don’t question it. Good days also make me respect the bad days. Because sometimes they are needed. Sometimes we need to completely reset and the only way that happens is by having a truly rubbish day. So I want to focus on that day. Because I think on those days just being by yourself and having a good cry can be really healthy. You should never suppress tears. You also don’t need a reason for crying. People will tell you the opposite but they are wrong. If your body and mind are telling you that you need to cry then do it. If you are able to release something, whatever it is (maybe a bit of stress, some anger from something that’s happened that day, or maybe you just feel like you’re drowning a little less today), then you’re that little step closer to having a good day. And a good day doesn’t have to be the goal, working through the bad days step by step is impressive enough. But having that little inkling of future adventure or warmth or contentment might just push you forward. So to help you on those bad days I’ve compiled a playlist of 100 songs To Cry Your Eyes Out To. Because we all know there’s no better combination of sadness and slow, atmospheric, acoustic music. So close your door, ignore your notifications, lie down and just breathe. Maybe you need to get up and dance when the moment takes you. Maybe you need to thrash your head to get the energy out. Maybe you fall asleep as you listen and feel refreshed when you wake. Whatever it is, these songs are here to help you. I hope you find some new favourites. Personally, the only two songs I might possibly ever need to live are I Shall Cross The River – The Black Atlantic and Human – Of Monsters And Men. They allow me to breathe. I’m sure you have some of your own. I hope this playlist does something for you. Moves something in you. And then who knows, maybe tomorrow will be better.

Songs To Cry Your Eyes Out To Playlist

End of the Year Book Tag

Can you believe we’re already well into September? The concept of time creeps me out. How can minutes and whole months tick away almost without notice? Spooky. Anyway, September is where we are so it’s time to see where I’m up to with my reading and reassess my reading goals for the end of the year. This book tag was created a couple of years ago on Youtube by Ariel Bissett. I thought I’d translate it to my blog cos like fuck I’m making a video.

Are there any books you started this year that you need to finish?

YES. About a hundred. I’m a famous ‘pick a book up, read two chapters, LOVE IT, then completely ignore it for the rest of my life’ type of reader. But to pinpoint a couple? The Fifth Season by N K Jemisin is one I purchased a couple of months ago and have heard nothing but good things about. I’ve enjoyed what I’ve read so far and think it’ll be a great wintery read. Pride by Tim Tate is one I’ve started last week (but famously already put down). I adore the movie Pride and think everyone should watch it. It restores your faith in humanity, recharges your activism and makes you bubble with solidarity. This book is sure to give the exact same feelings. It is set up as a book-long interview with many of the real people from the movie’s story. Lastly, Milkman by Anna Burns. Wow, has this book been hanging over me. I just haven’t been able to get into the reading style yet. But I can’t imagine it won tons of awards for no reason. So I just need to try again.

Do you have an autumnal book to transition into the end of the year?

What else could be said for this question other than Harry Potter? I mean, come on. But in all seriousness, I am wanting to get to Chamber of Secrets this month since reading Philosopher’s Stone in July. I’m working my way through the beautiful illustrated editions in preparation for the fourth book getting released next month!

Is there a new release you’re still waiting for?

I’m actually not usually one for new releases. As in, I don’t really research new books for the sole reason that I despise hardbacks. So I find it pointless getting hyped for a book that I’m not gonna be able to buy for eight months or so. I find books on the grapevine just as they’re coming out in paperback! That being said, the series I’m listening to on Audible right now (Keeper of the Lost Cities) is bringing out its eighth book this year! That’s Legacy by Shannon Messenger. I’ve been listening to one a month so will get to that one right on time. Another book I’m excited for is The Testaments by Margaret Atwood, which is actually out today! I never dreamed this book would have a sequel so I’m pumped for that (in eight months).

What are three books you want to read before the end of the year?

War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy, because I’m insane but have just been staring at this book on my unread shelf for years now. A book shouldn’t intimidate you. Right? More Tales of the City by Armistead Maupin because, although these books remind a lot of summer, I just cannot wait any longer to see what happens with all these characters! Just Kids by Patti Smith has been sat half-read on my shelf for too long now. Also, there’s just something about New York in the autumn.

Is there a book you think could still shock you and become your favourite book of the year?

I waited for this book alllllll year (see my earlier comment about hardbacks). All I’ve heard is amazing things about this novel so I just had to read it. Now I finally have it I’m almost too scared to read it because I’ve built it up so much in my head. I’m really excited to read it though! The book is Motherhood by Sheila Heti.

Have you already started making reading plans for 2020?

I have. Have you met me? I’m an obsessive planner. My project is called Sarah to Zero. That’s all you’re getting for now. I’ll give you more details in January!

Called Out In The Dark (Reworked) – Snow Patrol