Found this in my drafts from May 2021 but it all still resonates so thought I’d post. Why didn’t I post it back then? I think we all damn know why. (I’m aware I’m twentynine now, thank you. But I’m not editing it.)
I’ve always described myself as someone with good intentions but no follow through. Like if people came with taglines, this would be mine. I don’t know when I became this person. I think when I was younger I was quite driven but now I kinda just float along. And I’m totally okay with that. I enjoy it. Or I wouldn’t do it. I like life being easy and relaxed and stress-free. That’s not to say my life is those things all the time, I wish. But I try not to invite more stress into my life. I live in a way that minimises stress and drama because I just don’t care for it. I despise conflict. If we’re not on this earth-shaped playground for this tiny amount of time to have fun and make meaningful connections and have adventures then why are we here? It can’t just be bills and rent and then we die. I refuse to live that way. But I think along the way I’ve sacrificed a lot of ambition in exchange for a calmer existence. I work jobs that don’t require my brain and don’t challenge me. But I’m not motivated by money or the cutthroat career culture that exists in so many fields today. I also, at twentyseven, have no idea what I want my ‘career’ to even be. Why do we need a career anyway? We’re brainwashed into that at an early age. But what’s wrong with just working a job? There’s a lot to be said about a 9-5 that you forget the minute you walk out the office door. No work-based stress follows me home, no one expects anything from me once I clock out, and I’m free to enjoy my evening or weekend however I like. There is zero pressure. Now this isn’t to say that careers aren’t flipping great. Don’t get me wrong. I know a lot of people killing it in their field and loving their work. But since finishing uni, I’ve been asked so many times ‘what I’m doing’. What does that even mean? It means people feel sorry for you or pity you if you ‘just’ work a desk job. But I’m not embarrassed of my job, it facilitates my lifestyle in many more ways than just financial. (Also it’s a good job. White collar bullshit. I’m privileged to have my job, believe me, I do not take that for granted. It’s cushy as shit.) And it’s not like the people I love mean any harm when they enquire on your life goals. They’re just interested. They want the best for you, they want you to be happy. But I think we live in a world where we focus on far too much of our happiness coming from work. Should it not come from every other single thing going on in your life besides work? Or at least as well as. I don’t know, I also know a lot of people who are just figuring out what they want to do or just pay the bills. And I wanna normalise that in this weird millennial-burnout-sidehustle-beyourownboss environment we’re living in it’s okay to be the Chandler of the group.
Yeah, this isn’t the blog post I came here to write. But I got so distracted by the first line that I wrote and here’s where the tangent has taken us. And I kinda like it so I’m just gonna go with it. What I was actually gonna write was about how much I lie so much about making these blog posts regular. But like it’s been two almost blogless months and I’m crawling back with my tail between my legs. But hey, we can save that for next week two years from now.
Hilariously, I did save this for two years later. Guess the other topic is just gonna have to keep waiting..
Hope you’re having a wonderful Tuesday. Do something to make yourself smile today.
This Is What I Mean – Stormzy
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