why women are angry

I’ve spent the last couple of days watching my social media explode. Watching my friends and the women I love and women I look up to express their anger, their fury. For Sarah Everard. For the hellfire systems we live in. For the constant injustices we’re forced to swallow. But also for each other. For solidarity. For sisterhood. To make sure everyone knows they are seen. And heard. They’ve all written so eloquently and openly, it’s been a balm to my own fury. But I haven’t shared any of my own words yet. I’ve been wondering what else do I have to add to the conversation? Everything I’ve read, I’ve resonated with. I’ve felt it, deeply. But I can’t do it any more articulately. Would my voice just be more repetitive noise to an already very loud situation? Did I have anything new to say?

And then I realised it.

That’s the fucking point. You don’t need a new angle, you just need to show up. With your truth and your anger and your experience. Because we’ve all experienced this bullshit. On a daily basis. Our whole goddamn lives. This is not an isolated incident. This particular case was the worst kinds of extreme and horrifically insidious. But it stems from somewhere. It all weaves up from an unshakeable belief that men feel superior in this world. Because this world was built by you and for you. And I don’t need to hear any of this shit about ‘not all men’. Give me a fucking break. Because if it’s not you, that’s fantastic. Now what are you doing everyday to be a feminist and stand up for women and call out bullshit? You’re not off the hook, far from it. You saying it’s ‘shocking’ or ‘appalling’ just isn’t going to cut it anymore. It’s not shocking, it’s our reality. You should not be shocked by this. Because it isn’t surprising. And women are being brainwashed into feeling numb to it because it’s easier, it’s a quieter life. Stay in your place. They’re not even being allowed their fucking fury. What you’ve seen the last couple of days is the women you know taking their power back. So fucking sit up and listen. Every tiny story or memory adds together to create the whole. It’s the seemingly insignificant cases that we actually need to begin with. Because it’s inherent belief systems and mentalities that we need to challenge and alter. Women are not being dramatic. They are giving you the fucking roadmap on how to change the world. But we can’t do it alone.

When I was fifteen, my mum would tell me to text her when I got to my friends house. Let me know you’re safe. I’d inevitably meet my friends, become an excited adolescent and the text would completely slip my mind. I was a kid. She was being too overprotective. I’m fine. Twenty minutes after my scheduled arrival my mum would call or text me and I’d instantly feel guilty. I’m sorry, I’m safe, I forgot, I’ll see you later. But the actual problem there is that mothers don’t feel safe letting their daughters do a ten minute walk in a quiet suburb to their friends house in broad fucking daylight. And that’s just day one of being a woman. Grab a pen, kid, here’s your crash course:

Don’t drink too much it’s sloppy. Don’t drink too little you’ll be a prude. Don’t wear that short skirt, slut. Don’t wear boys clothes, lesbian whore. Don’t talk to strangers it leads them on. Don’t ignore people you look stuck up. Don’t walk home in the dark. Don’t walk home in the day. Don’t walk home through parks. Don’t run through parks. Oh but don’t get in a taxi. Don’t get a late bus alone. Don’t be alone. Don’t be in heels. Don’t be in trainers. Don’t smile. Don’t speak. Don’t think. Don’t breathe.

It’s a goddamn minefield.

Your shock is not welcome here. And neither is your intentional ignorance. These experiences that women are telling you about are not shocking. They’re the tip of the fucking iceberg. And your shock won’t help the Everard family. But your actions will help women everywhere.

And I’m just furious. This was a stream of consciousness post and I’m not wanting to make it pretty. This is how I feel. I’m sorry if it alienates you or you find it harsh but idgaf. I’m sick and tired of feeling exhausted. I’m tired of explaining things to people. I’m bored of you not understanding the lived experience of women when we tell you about it all goddamn day. And this is me speaking as a privileged cishet white woman. I can’t even imagine the added struggles and fears of my trans sisters, my sisters of colour, my sisters with disabilities. But I can put in the work to listen and change my behaviour. And so can you. We shouldn’t need to be your daughters, sisters, mothers, girlfriends for you to care. You need to call out your male friends every day. Whenever they say anything problematic. Because it’s all insidiously linked together. Oh what, you don’t want to be seen as a killjoy? Can’t take a joke? Too sensitive? Well, quite honestly, get over yourself. You would never make it as a woman with skin that thin. Realise that this is not about you, but it is up to you to change sexism in any tiny way you can. If you can post an IWD picture of your mum and sister the other day but you can’t call yourself a feminist then think about why. What are you fucking scared of? Cos unfortunately we can’t do it without you. Why do you think nothing changes? Because we police girls instead of educating boys. So let’s do some fucking educating.

Peace.

Pussy Whipped – Bikini Kill (Yes, I’m putting an entire album today. Go listen to this excellent, angry riot grrrl shouting if you need to blow off some steam. And women, please take care of yourselves. If you feel helpless or hopeless, I get it. I feel it too. But we don’t give up. That’s not who we are. You are magic.)

On Feeling Good

I think I like to write blog posts when I’m feeling good. And hopeful. And optimistic. That’s not to say that for the long, lonely months I leave you blog-less that I’m feeling bad. Not at all. But it’s more like those days where you wake up and just know it’s gonna be a good day. You know the ones I mean? And it’s not because you necessarily think the world is magic or that you believe there’s a higher power who’s gonna make your day good. But there’s an unexplainable feeling (hell, maybe there’s an explicit reason and those are great days too) and then you actively choose to have a good day. The feeling is just a suggestion, it’s up to you to seize it. There’s just a vibrating hum in your bones or you can’t stop smiling whilst you’re brushing your teeth for some reason or you feel the sunshine hit your retinas the second you leave your door. One of those days. And today is one of those days for me. So, hello, hi. How’s it going? What’s new with you?

It’s actually a really dreary day here in Liverpool today. (For me it was the uncontrollable teeth brushing smiling today, not the burning of the retinas.) But it’s fucking Friday so I’m feeling fantastic. I’ve been doing a lot of Saturday overtime recently cos money, but tomorrow I’m free and that honestly feels glorious! I’m going to sleep in and then I’m going to drown myself in coffee, how every good day begins. Perhaps next I’ll move my body in the form of yoga. I’ll get my pops involved, because he loves Adriene almost as much as I do. When you’re having a lazy morning, there just has to be scrambled tofu involved. Like it’s the law, I don’t know what to tell you. Shout out to my sister for the greatest recipe ever. Then maybe, weather permitting, I’ll go for a walk on the beach with my boyfriend. Yes, I feel unbelievably thankful and grateful to live on the coast. There’s just something about the ocean waves, man. From there, the world is really my oyster. Lockdown ain’t gonna stop me enjoying my life. We just adjust and find new ways to feel good. Maybe I’ll while away the afternoon reading. Maybe I’ll binge The Walking Dead, although we’re going for a chill vibe so maybe I’ll skip that hellfire til Monday. Perhaps I’ll watch a movie, Moxie, new to Netflix, looks like an excellent gen z feminist good time. Suppose I may do some baking. Or order a pizza. Or drink wine with my favourite person. Or hangout with some of my other favourite people via our camera phones. I know I sounded like a boomer there, but I’m in too good a mood to edit it. So just accept it, it’s all good. The possibilities are quite literally endless. So don’t forget that. If lockdown is getting you down, hun, I get it. It has sucked. This last year has been unlivable. But you know what? We’re fucking getting through it. We’re pushing through. We’re surviving. The end is in sight, I believe it. You gotta keep the faith. Life will resume. And you’ll savour it, and take it slower. You’ll eat out more and meet friends more, frequent pubs more, watch more movies in the cinema, hell, you might even go to a spin class. Cos it’s gonna feel like a new lease on life. And that’s cos it is. So there’s a lot to look forward to. But don’t rush it. We can’t have that right now, so instead of sending yourself mad, just focus on what you can control. And that is this weekend. And taking care of yourself. And feeling good. So what the heck are you doing this weekend? Whatever it is, I hope it’s a good one. I hope you feel good. I hope you take it slow and take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself time to rest. Relax. Breathe. And for all my weekend-working kids out there, I see you, just apply this to your next off day instead!

Have you ever noticed how I can write a whole blog post without really saying anything? Yeah, that’s kind of my brand. It’s an art form. No, I’m kidding. But I suppose I just write this blog in hopes that one single person won’t feel so lonely. Sometimes that person is me. But sometimes it’s you, and I’m glad I can be here for you. Just as you are here for me.

Your shot challenge is to take one every time I said the words good/feeling good/good day. But no driving after that, so plan accordingly.

Wasting Time – CASTLEBEAT

This is a check in

I think when our minds are busy and our lives are busy we often forget to take care of ourselves. We forget to check in. I’ve got some exciting things happening in my life right now. Big things. But they’re taking up a lot of brain space and I’m a bit consumed by them. However, even when the situation is a positive one, it’s important to take a step back occasionally and just see how you’re doing.

So this is me checking in.

How are you? Are you hanging in there? If you think you can’t do it, whatever it is, you can. I’m telling you you can. You just have to hang in there. Are you taking care of yourself? I find when I get wrapped up in something, good or bad, I stop doing the small things that make me happy in the day to day. Doing yoga, reading all nightlong, dude, why do you think my blog posts disappear for months on end? We constantly feel ‘busy’ or we just don’t have ‘time’ or we’ll do the thing ‘tomorrow’ after we’ve just got this ‘done’. But you blink and that’s your life. Are those really the words you want to be remembered by? Busy? Tomorrow? Come on now, no you don’t. So maybe we start changing the words to ‘now’ and ‘slow down’ and ‘free’.

You may think I’m about to tell you how you can move in this direction. Unfortunately, I’m not. Because I don’t have a goddamn clue how you achieve that or even begin to. I’m deeply flawed. But I’m also aware of that fact. So my advice is linked to these two things. It’s simple and it’s all I’ve got for you today.

When you start noticing you’ve stopped taking care of yourself, that’s when you need to start taking care of yourself again.

And hey, maybe in the future we work on knowing this is happening before we completely burnout. But we’re also millennials, so that’ll probably never happen. But right now, this is enough. When you become conscious to the fact that you are neglecting yourself, don’t ignore it. Your brain is stopping you short and saying ‘hey, can you pay attention to me for a sec!’ and at that point you’ve reached your peak. Or you rock bottom. Like I say, I think this can happen when we’re filled with ecstasy as well as dread. Looking after yourself should always be your number one priority. So try not to forget that so often.

But anyway, this was my check in. This was me getting outside for a very windy and cold walk this morning during my break at work and listening to Folkore and just thinking, huh, this is the first time my mind has been somewhat silent all week and hey, I haven’t written a blog post for ages. I’ve barely read a page of my book all week. I’ve been eating mindlessly. I’ve not been present in my own existence. So then I started writing this blog post in my head. All you have to do is notice.

When are you going to notice and what are you going to do about it?

Peace x

circle the drain – Soccer Mommy