Stupid Shit My Dad Has Done

So yesterday was my dad’s birthday and I was having too much fun with him to remember to write this post! I like my dad a lot. He’s a cool guy and one of my best friends. He’s taught me so much over the years and he looks after me and my siblings. He’s also dozy as fuck and says stupid, annoying shit constantly. He does stupid shit even more frequently. I’ve written a Terry appreciation post in the past (you can read it here:, and, to be honest, I don’t want his head to get any bigger. So I intend to humble him instead with this post. Below is a list of things my dad has actually said and done. Brace yourself for the biggest eye roll of your life!

1. “What’s that, er, that bubbly stuff you put on your head?” “You mean shampoo?” “Ah yeah, that’s it.”

2. He once put the petrol cap on top of the car and then drove off. We never saw that petrol cap again.

3. He used to duck his head when we’d drive into multi-storey car parks in our people carrier with the roof box as if that made us shorter.

4. “Oh it’s a lovely day, boiling outside. Shorts weather.” “It’s two degrees.”

5. He once sat on a pizza.

6. He watches movies on the iplayer on his laptop and doesn’t make it full screen.

7. He drove into a grass verge and then wondered why we had a puncture.

8. “Sarah, my phone appears to have broken.” “No, it’s just not turned on. Here, just click the power button.” “Ah, I see.”

9. When playing ring of fire last new year: “Dad come on, you’re like four sips behind!” “I’m trying but it’s so fiery!” He was drinking ginger beer.

10. Got an egg out and juggled it in his hand whilst he got a pan out too. He dropped the egg and it splattered on the floor. “Good Jesus!”

I know, I put up with a lot of shit, don’t I? I think I’ll keep him though. He gets rid of all the spiders from my room.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Long Grey Mare – Fleetwood Mac


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