Sometimes life is nothing like you thought it would be. The universe is violent and unforgiving. In thirty minutes everything you know is gone and you’re left scouring the rubble for what you should do now. It seems impossible and absurd and that’s because it is. Suddenly, everything seems rather insignificant. You find yourself wondering why you ever complained about the taste of different tap waters; when a bus is five minutes late; or if you should have had that last drink yesterday. Juvenile. Futile. Empty. Numb. Moments pass before your brain reacts. Minutes speed ahead whilst hours drag. Scattered. Try. Focus. Life is uncertain and unpredictable. She answers to no one and is unkind. Yet through the darkness good people force themselves through to be noticed. They care. And I guess that means you just have to get up each day and try again. If not for you, for them. Try and forge something normal. Something good, something happy. Something to be proud of. Maybe you won’t bother all the time because you can’t quite convince yourself. Living inside your mind is easier; you get a front row seat to your memories that way. A kaleidoscope behind your eye lids. It’s effortless to live in the past where all is known. It’s the now I’m having trouble with. But this isn’t one thing or another, it just is. It’s just hard to articulate. Some days are worse than others but occasionally a smile breaks through. And you’re just tempted enough to let it. Sometimes.
I Shall Cross This River – The Black Atlantic